The Best Birthday Ever
by Ersatz.Love
Summary: Disgaea! It's Laharl's birthday, and Etna wants to give him something special...(one-shot)


YAY!! Tron is back to upload a new story and then go hibernate for another six months. ^^; anyway this is just a one-shot little fic that I decided to write in my spare time. I'd like to apologize in advance for the b-rate writing x_x; writer's block has rendered me rusty.  
  
This is NOT a lemon.  
  
...  
  
But it is a lime. xD  
  
Disclaimer: Disgaea and all characters and names and blah de blah is (C) Atlus and stuff.   
  
~*~  
  
"Etna..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Etna!"  
  
"I'm coming!"  
  
Her eyes snapped wide open as she was brought back to reality, forced away from her train of thought by the voice of her master. Dropping the book from her hands and racing out to the throne room, she was able to catch Laharl as he was about to leave.   
  
"Prince," she spoke casually, "Whatcha want?"  
  
"I already told you, I'm going to the Item World." The prinnies had gathered around Etna at the Overlord's voice. "Somehow I'll break that good for nothing dragon that you recruited last week. Why the hell did you...?"  
  
"He was cute." Etna smiled as his eyes met the ceiling and down again. Just the reaction she had expected. One of the prinnies retrieved Laharl's sword, giving a slight bow as the emperor took it from him without as much as a thank you. The demoness nodded as the Overlord reminded her of dozens of chores that had to be done before his return, her eyes never leaving his face.  
  
"And don't forget," Laharl glanced into her bright ruby eyes, sending a shiver down her spine. "If it's not done by the time I get back..."   
  
"I know, Prince." Etna quickly interrupted, not wanting to hear this week's punishment. "Have fun."   
  
A couple of eyebrows were raised at her stranger-than-usual personality, but the Overlord let it slide. He and the new recruit left, unaware of what his vassal had in store...  
  
"Okay dood, so should I start scrubbing the floors or--"  
  
"NAY."   
  
Thinking about, but daring not to question their mentor's choice of words, the prinnies stood up straight, attentive and ready for the change of plans.  
  
"Don't any of you know what today is?" Etna grinned as she turned to face them.  
  
"Uh...oh! Duh, dood." One prinny shot a nervous glance to his comrade, silently asking for assistance.  
  
"Um...yeah! Garbage day. I think...should we go get the trash then?"  
  
Their weak guesses were exchanged for a bop on the head with a morning star.   
  
"Dumbass," Etna's grin never left her face. "It's the Prince's birthday. So screw all of today's priorities, we just have to set up the most awesomest party ever."  
  
"Dood, won't we get punish--"  
  
"NAY." Etna rose to her tiptoes, placing one hand on her hip and using the other to direct the prinnies. "Almond, Jesse and Garfield, you three get this place cleaned up. Daphne, Yuri and Va, you go get party supplies. None of those gay polka-dotted party hats though. Perfume and Oliver, you're coming with me. And the rest of you, um..." Her pointing finger drooped for a moment as she ran out of ideas. "...Get...um, whatever. Invites! Booze! Paint! Presents! Whatever you wanna do! Just do it!"  
  
A unanimous "Hai!" resounded two seconds before the prinnies scrambled to their assignments, all but Perfume and Oliver. The clever demoness had some sort of trick up her sleeve, the prinnies guessed, as they were lead down the hall into the kitchen.   
  
~*~  
  
"Dood...you're kidding, right boss?"   
  
"NAY."  
  
An 'ouch' was the only thing Oliver could manage as his skull came into contact with five hundred pounds of metal on a stick. Perfume sweat dropped as she realized that Etna was dead serious; there was no way to escape her wrath.  
  
Before them stood the Overlord's right-hand vassal, looking completely ridiculous in a hairnet, floofy hat, 'Kiss My Ass' apron and wooden spoon to boot. They themselves were dressed in such a way, with the exception that 'DOOD' was the message sewn onto their aprons instead of the vulgar message their mentor had chosen to sport.   
  
"You should be grateful! We're in charge of cooking Prince's birthday dinner. And the main ingredient is..."  
  
"...Us?"  
  
"N...no." Giving up on her outdated method of speech and putting a dent in Oliver's cranium for the umpteenth time, Etna showed the prinnies the one thing the entire meal was going to be based on.   
  
"A...cookbook is the main ingredient?"   
  
Etna sighed, raising the wooden spoon just over Perfume's head.   
  
"You're going to be using it to create as many good dishes as you possibly can in two hours." It was then that the prinnies noticed the mountains of ingredients behind the demoness. Their eyes lit up and their beaks watered as they thought about tasting the delectable foods, the best taken from not only the Netherworld, but Earth and even goods stolen from Celestia. They were just out of their reach...   
  
"Let's get started then!" Etna whiffed the cookbook at them, smiling with satisfaction as it hit her targets straight on. "Use anything you want, but follow the book...and if a single morsel touches those beaks..." Her eyes narrowed and her lips stretched into a grin, vampiric fangs bared in a fashion that would make most demons dirty their pants. The prinnies were spared from such embarrassment, but they got the message.   
  
"As for me, I'm going to work on a special treat...so don't disturb me at all. Understand?"  
  
"Hai, dood...ette!"   
  
With those limitations in mind, the prinnies went to work. Using skills they had mastered from using sabers in battle, they sliced and diced the ingredients in such a way that would have made the best chef in the Netherworld proud. Though they were far from experienced in gourmet cooking, their determination and dumb luck brought them through most encountered problems. The same determination was found in the smaller kitchen, only two rooms over. If only she knew how to cook…  
  
~*~  
  
"Okay dood, we need party supplies."  
  
"Yeah, dood."  
  
The prinny army stood just in front of the two shops, staring blankly at each other for ideas. They weren't specifically told what to get, only that they weren't supposed to get the gay polka-dotted party hats. What would one -need- for a party? Moreover, what sort of presents would be good enough for the Overlord? Thousands of questions were being debated.  
  
"Dood, should we get balloons?"  
  
"Yeah, and confetti, dood."  
  
"Maybe one of those cool golden party balls?"  
  
"If we can't get the gay polka-dot party hats, let's get the gay striped ones instead!"  
  
"Yeah, dood!"  
  
"What should we buy for Lord Laharl?"  
  
"Uh...he seems to like pointy things."  
  
"Yeah dood, very sharp, pointy things..."  
  
An awkward silence loomed over the prinnies as unpleasant memories arose in their minds.  
  
"...He likes fire."  
  
"Yeah! That's a great idea, dood! Let's get some fireworks!"   
  
"Fireworks for Lord Laharl's party, dood!"  
  
A unanimous 'Dood!' rang loudly through the air before the shops were swarmed with prinnies, resulting in the shortly thereafter being sold out of everything from swords to booze, party hats and stationary. What worried the shopkeepers most, however, was not the thought of drunken prinnies with knives, nor what they would do with all those shiny stickers. The idea of a mob of prinnies with so many explosives...Truly terrifying, if not overly comical.  
  
~*~  
  
"Damn Celestials and their curly writing, I can't read one damn bit of it." Etna squinted, trying to read the gourmet cookbook that was stolen from the angels' home, her ruby eyes unused to such elegant script. What she had made out so far seemed to call for eight eggs, seven cups of flour, five cups of chocolate and eleven-plus-two cups of olive oil, and sadly, she didn't have the common sense to know the dosage was far less. Nor did she know how to convert the Celestial measuring system to the Netherworld's.  
  
"The recipe says, so the recipe gets." Certain that such logic would lead to success, she raided the cabinets for ingredients. Already she had put into the bowl five eggs, shells and all, their yolks wiggling as she poured the equivalent of a gallon of olive oil into the bowl. Save that it was a gallon of canola oil, for she couldn't read the Celestial writing on that bottle either. Reaching for the next ingredient, she poured the small bag of white powder into the mix, swirling it around with a wooden spoon.  
  
"Now, I need chocolate and -- wait a minute," Etna turned back to the cookbook and scanned the page again. Some sort of warped sixth sense told her she had messed up something important…besides her already having put in three eggs more than the recipe had called for. Oh well, she would get to that later. Right now she was focusing on finding the chocolate.  
  
Her miniature wings flapped furiously to allow her to reach the upper cabinet, the demoness expecting to find chocolate of only the finest quality. Instead she was met with a cloud of dust, her sudden coughing spasm sending the spider webs askew from their place in the corners and down into the strange cake mix of death.  
  
"...Here it is!" Etna happily took the dust-stained boxes of chocolate from the cabinet, descending to the floor and opening them up. Her nose scrunched up a little as she could smell the staleness of the candy, which unbeknownst to her had been in there since King Krichevskoy was a child. It was quite obvious that using such chocolate would dramatically lower the quality of the cake, even if it didn't occur to her that the over-dose of oil, eggs and flour already had.  
  
~*~  
  
"Dood, I'm sure Miss Etna will like this!"  
  
"Yeah, I think this is our best one yet, dood."  
  
Perfume and Oliver exchanged smiles as they sniffed the enticing aroma that emitted from the oven, signaling that their creation was done. Oliver scurried over to remove the contents and let them cool while Perfume was busy with the lobster bisque. So far they had created over two dozen appetizers, five main courses and a myriad of drinks, alcoholic and otherwise. And with their comrades delivering more ingredients every ten minutes, it seemed like they would be able to end Netherworld hunger.   
  
Suddenly the door flew open, startling the two prinnies and halting all work in progress. Etna froze as a thousand wonderful aromas hit her like a ton of bricks, causing her to shudder in delight. But the feeling quickly left her as she picked up her train of thought again, making her way over to the prinnies' pile of ingredients and making a thorough evaluation.  
  
"…Can we help you in some way, Miss Etna?"  
  
"You need to organize this mess. I can't find the chocolate." The demoness scowled as she contemplated diving head-first into the mountain of food and trying to dig to her goal.  
  
"It's no problem! I know exactly where everything is!" Perfume hopped off her footstool and walked over to the table, reaching a flipper into it and pulling out a small decorated box. Unfortunately this action caused the entire pile to come tumbling down around and on top of the prinny, until all that was visible was a flipper and the chocolate.   
  
"Thanks!" With no second thoughts about leaving the explosive penguin in her current state, Etna snatched the box and walked back towards the private kitchen. But upon her return, she froze on the spot, for there was an unexpected and very unwelcome visitor.  
  
"Hello Miss Etna, may I ask what you're making?"   
  
~*~  
  
"Letters, dood!"  
  
"With stickers!"  
  
"Stickers, dood!"  
  
"Settle down!" One prinny's voice rose above the rest of the group, commanding total attention from his comrades. "Miss Etna told us to handle the invitations. This is Master Laharl's birthday after all, so we can't screw this up! We have to invite only the-"  
  
"We invite EVERYBODY!!"  
  
"Yeah, dood!!"   
  
"No, you don't understand, we-"  
  
Alas, Daphne's voice was drowned out by the cheers of a hundred prinnies, and she found herself jumping out of their way to avoid being trampled. At first she smiled when she saw a few of them going to the Dark Assembly and passing invites to the top senators, thinking that maybe they weren't so dumb after all.   
  
That smile inverted when she noticed the other ninety-four prinnies pouring through the interdimensional portal.   
  
~*~  
  
Etna felt cool warmth off her neck, and she could swear she could feel her skin becoming pale. Of all the people that could possibly come in to see her gift-in-the-making, it had to be that big-mouthed little tattle-telling Celestial. There was absolutely no use in pretending nothing was going on, for the little angel had already been snooping around long enough to know something was up. It was no surprise she didn't have the slightest clue as to what was being slopped together however, and quite apparently she didn't have the guts to take a taste test.   
  
"What does it look like, genius? I'm making a cake."   
  
"Oh…I'm sure it will be a tasty cake…" Flonne glanced at the demoness in an attempt to read her thoughts, looking for some sign that she was joking. Failing to find any humor in her expression, the angel trainee was speechless. Surely demons didn't like their food to be so…strange. After an awkward moment of silence, she decided that the best action to take would be to offer some helpful advice.   
  
"Um…maybe you should try using flour instead of salt."  
  
"…What?"   
  
"Well, um, you need flour to make the cake rise."  
  
"This -is- flour!" Etna grasped a pinch of the white powder and licked it off. She winced as reality set in – it was indeed salt, and a whole lot of it. Flonne didn't seem to realize Etna's mistake due to her incredible lack of common sense, rather she figured that apparently the Overlord liked salty things.   
  
"Okay! Um..." Still wanting to be helpful, the Celestial tried to change the subject. "What's that you have?"  
  
"Chocolate…" The demoness's voice was much quieter after making her grim discovery.  
  
"Yay! Chocolate is good! You know how to melt it, right?" Without waiting for a response, Flonne took the box from Etna's hands and made her way to the stove, where she began the preparations. "You can't melt it directly or it'll burn, so you have to do this."   
  
Etna watched silently as the Celestial poured water into one pot, set another pot in it and fired it up. The chocolate was tossed in, quickly softening from the heat. It didn't take long before Flonne had subconsciously begun making her own cake. She didn't even have to check the cookbook for advice; it was apparent that the little angel had done this countless times before, thus the routine was engraved into her mind for eternity.   
  
She handled things with exact precision and skill, which under any circumstances would be a shocker. Who would have thought that this clumsy little foreigner would be good at -anything-? With every egg that was broken, every spoonful of chocolate, every cautiously used cup of flour, envy grew within the demoness. It was something no one would have ever expected.   
  
"…and then you have to stir it like this, so all the lumps and bubbles get evened out." Flonne whisked away at the batch, in no time at all having said and done everything that was needed. "See? Just like this! Then you put it in the oven for about an hour, and you're done."  
  
It didn't quite set in until that moment just how quiet Etna was during the entire process. Even now she was silent, a thousand thoughts running through her mind from the whole ordeal. Curiosity beckoned her to step forward, to have a taste of Flonne's concoction. More or less to silence her own doubts, a single digit dipped into the mix, returning to its owner's mouth to give the verdict.  
  
The demoness silently prayed that it would taste sour; that she wouldn't be outdone by a completely moronic foreigner like Flonne. If the angel's try at cooking was proven to be nothing more than a failed attempt, the demoness would still have her pride, and perhaps even be able to salvage the mess she had made.   
  
But it was not so. As she had feared, incredible sweetness was the only thing that was in the cake mix. A delicious flavor that would make any mouth water – even the most expensive cake that could be bought would be no comparison. Of all the great chefs that served at the castle, not one would be able to outdo this creation of heaven. She was defeated.  
  
"…Get out." Shadows manifested themselves over the demoness's eyes. It didn't take long for Flonne to realize just how dangerous the situation had become. When Etna was angry, getting in her way was a death wish; the kind of anger that was building now...  
  
"M-miss Etna, I didn't mean to-"  
  
"Get out now."   
  
She didn't need to be told a third time to leave. In fact, she considered herself fortunate that the Overlord's right-hand vassal had given her a second warning instead of slaughtering her on the spot. Flonne shuddered as the Etna's voice was repeated in her mind, even after she left. She had used a demonic tone that was like the growl of a junkyard dog, which in itself is intimidating. But this was the first time Flonne had ever heard her speak that way.   
  
And if her ears hadn't failed her, she could swear that she could hear a little break in her voice in that sentence.   
  
~*~  
  
"This is turning out to be pretty fun! I've never been to a birthday party before." Jesse spoke quietly to himself as he pinned a giant birthday banner to the wall, glad to be finished with cleaning duty and now setting up the decorations.   
  
"Yeah, I think it looks fashionable, dood!" Garfield watched his comrades work as he tied balloons here and there, Almond racing around handing out party hats and kazoos to the Overlord's vassals. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you that those prinnies were doing a mighty fine job on such short notice.   
  
"Hey, what should we do with all this stuff?"   
  
Jesse turned to see the prinny brigade and nearly fell off his ladder when he saw their 'presents'. There was no way they had the time to find a place for all that and still finish the work that needed to be done. It just so happened that one of the Overlord's vassals had overheard this, and he offered his help.  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'll find a good place for it." Thanking the dragon, they gave him the fireworks and set off to help the other brigades with the invitations. Nobody thought much of it until after the dragon had left.  
  
"Wait a second..."  
  
~*~  
  
It suddenly seemed very cold in that kitchen. The flame that had motivated her so much had become a dangerous wildfire of rage before dying out and taking the warmth with it. Plates lay shattered around her feet, the batters of cake now ruined as they mixed with the dirt on the unclean floor.   
  
If it had been any other time, she wouldn't have minded. She wouldn't have gotten angry over something like this. How could she? Someone who had never before made a cake would obviously be outdone by somebody more experienced. Had it been any other time, she would have let the angel finish her work, then kick her out and take credit for making the cake.   
  
But not this time. Etna had wanted to make something special for the prince. Something that she herself put her own heart into just so she could see his smile. All the other birthdays, she had not the courage to do such a thing. This was supposed to be a special one. And she had failed before she had even started…  
  
Her ruby eyes clouded as she processed that thought, the emptiness that she felt inside growing bigger as she elaborated on it. There wasn't enough time to make a new cake, one that might turn out decent with the advice that Flonne had given her. She hadn't thought of a plan B – she was too absorbed in enthusiasm that failing had never even crossed her mind.   
  
And now she was without a single present to give. The only thing she had made in that short time was a mammoth mess of broken plates and cake mix. All the effort that she had put into this was meaningless. As more thoughts filled her head, she could do little more than let the tears fall.   
  
The demoness bit her lip and dug her nails into the palms of her hands, shuddering violently as the feeling of worthlessness began to overwhelm her. Even when she could taste her own blood, even when she felt her one hand become wet, she didn't notice. She didn't notice anything around her.   
  
All she wanted was to make this one special…  
  
"Don't do that."  
  
Etna's eyes shot open as she was brought back to reality. She felt the arms of another wrap around her waist and pull her close against his body, sliding his hands over hers and uncurling them from their tight fist. Her breathing stopped momentarily as he brought her bleeding hand to his face, amber eyes watching the crimson liquid escape from underneathe her skin.   
  
"Laharl..."  
  
She could barely manage a whimper as he tilted his head forward, brushing his lips against her palm and sliding his tongue out against the wound. She could feel his free hand move to her stomache, edging down closer to her belts, calmness sweeping over her as he caressed her body.   
  
"I'm sorry...I screwed up your cake." Etna glanced down, intending to look at the mess on the floor, yet her ruby orbs stopped short of the shattered china and instead laid upon her beau's hand on her stomache. She could feel him rest his chin upon her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair and sighing against her ear.   
  
"You're really stupid." He seemed to purr as he spoke, the warmth of his skin against hers wrapping both of them in a momentary fantasy - a world where only the two of them existed. All of her fears, all of her frustration, all of her guilt seemed to wash away as she listened to his voice. As blunt as the prince could be sometimes, she had to agree. Despite all of her stupidity, he put up with her one hundred percent of the time.   
  
Drops of diamond fell from her eyes, racing down her flushed cheeks and merging underneathe her chin. An almost unaudiable whimper crossed Laharl's ears. Surely it was not for him to hear, but he heard it anyway. The overlord gently grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him, staring into the endless red oceans in her eyes and feeling an emotion he hadn't felt in so long -- sympathy.   
  
"I didn't want a stupid cake," the blue-haired demon's voice had rose in decibels to its normal, obnoxious tone. "There's only one thing I wanted for my birthday."   
  
Though her heart knew it to be true, his words cut her deeply. She fought back the increasing steam that burned her red orbs, breathing slower and deeper, trying to steady her emotions. Suddenly she felt weightless, opening her eyes and realizing she was off the ground. In but a mere second she found herself lying on the counter with Laharl ontop of her.   
  
His hands pinned her down by the shoulders, his legs on either side of her as he dropped his knees to the marble. A short moment of silence and hesitation fell between them as the prince rested on her stomache, purring at its rising and falling underneathe him with each breath. Smiling from the anxiety that was present in her expression, he arched over, his tongue tracing the outline of her ear before he voiced the only thing on his mind.  
  
"You."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hi, welcome to the party. Please enjoy yourself." Daphne smiled, nodding to another senator from the Dark Assembly and checking off his name from the guest list. She had been doing this for quite a while before a certain Celestial emerged from the castle doors, escorted by Perfume and Oliver.   
  
"Hey, weren't you guys with -- Hello, welcome to the party, please enjoy yourself! -- Miss Etna?"   
  
"Yeah dood, but Master Laharl came in and dismissed us. We're home free!"   
  
"Miss Etna got really angry with me..." Flonne sighed, slumping against the wall. "...But I'm sure she'll get over it soon."  
  
"Yeah, dood!"  
  
"Bonjour."   
  
Daphne's attention snapped back to the line of guests, eyes falling upon one in particular. She seemed to recognize him from somewhere...but she forgot. Oh well.  
  
"Hello. Um...name?"  
  
"I am Vyers, the Dark Adonis!" A romantic tone was in his voice as he spoke, brushing back a few strands of his raven hair. Daphne glanced down at the list, flipped over to the next page, then checked the first once more.  
  
"Nope, sorry, no Dark Adonis on here."  
  
"What do you mean? I have been formally invited to this party."  
  
"Your name isn't on here, sir--" Daphne quieted as Flonne came over, reading over her shoulder.   
  
"Actually I think his name is Mid-Boss."  
  
"I AM THE DARK ADONIS, VY--"  
  
"Oh, here it is, Mid-Boss, right here. Yup. Please enjoy yourself!" Daphne stepped out of his path, smiling as she waited for a reaction. She paid no attention to the flabberghasted look on his face as he hesitantly walked through the doors, followed by some zombies and a nekomata.   
  
"What do you think is taking Master Laharl so long?" The angel trainee turned to Perfume, who opened her beak to speak, then shut it. A blank expression was painted across her face, which also caught onto Oliver, and would have Daphne if she wasn't busy welcoming the guests.   
  
"Huh?"  
  
~*~  
  
"What do you think, Prince?" Etna grinned widely as the Overlord surveyed the room, immediately heading over to the tables of food and sampling its bounty. She followed him awkwardly, almost limping in such a way that onlookers thought she was drunk. Upon being glanced at she donned the biggest 'I'm so damn cute' face she could muster, forgetting it was supposed to be the ace up her sleeve in case the prinnies didn't do as great a job as they were expected.  
  
"Well, I have to admit...it's not bad." As her grin turned into a soft smile, he reciprocated it and dug into the food. Their quiet moment was interrupted as the blare of trumpets filled the room, heads turning to the sight that had just barged through the doors.  
  
"The Prinny Brigade would like to present the Surpreme Overlord with a very special gift, dood!"  
  
"A very special gift," Yuri repeated with enthusiasm, motioning behind him for the rest of the brigade to follow. "Bring them in!"  
  
Eyebrows were raised as several prinnies hauled several tons of fireworks into the room, lining them up perfectly within seconds before lining up themselves and saluting their master. A chorus of 'happy birthday!' rang out, and they waited for a reaction from either their mentor or their lord.  
  
"...You got him fireworks?" Etna staggered forward a bit, eyeing the explosives in puzzlement. The prinnies nodded and began to wonder why the room seemed so quiet. Almond in particular noticed the silence, glancing behind him, then back at the guests. 'Strange,' he thought, 'Haven't they seen fireworks before?'  
  
"...Yeah, fireworks dood! See, you have to get some fire to make them work, dood. You just light them like this..."  
  
"NO!"  
  
~Fin~ 


End file.
